Missing Wendy

The End

I have reached the end.  This week has been a milestone…Turning through the pages of time in what lead to the creation of this blog and all of its contents has been nothing less than a roller coaster.  Mourning the life and death of my wife has been without a doubt the hardest thing I […]

The Assignment

I was taking a nap in the middle of the day And felt a tug on my toe…I mumbled…Go away She tugged again, telling me to come look at what she has done With one eye open looking at the clock…Seeing it’s only half-past-one Please let me sleep a little while longer…I’m so tired, can’t […]

She Knows

After she died I was left all alone…I had time to think about her in ways I never did before.  The way her curves looked in her jeans, the morning sun glistening off her freshly washed face, or her hair that was almost gone still looked perfect to me.  Did she know how much I […]

Inevitability

Inevitability ~ An outcome that is certain to happen Death is inevitable. But as we have seen on this planet so is life.  Life happens and death is its certain end.  We spend most of our living not thinking about the certainty of our own death.  We make appointments, put things off, make plans and […]

Last Things

It’s been over seven months since my wife took her last breath.  I never imagined the things that would follow and how meaningless things are until they become the last of their kind.  No matter how I try to hold on to it all, time seems to drip its way to the last of things […]

The Air has a Name

Life is but a breath away from death.  From the day you take your first breath until your last is only a mere pittance in time.  Yet every breath we take is one we take for granted.  All of the space in between the first one to the last is really never thought about until […]

Tunnels

In our lives we pass through tunnels.  We spend a great deal of time either in a tunnel or worrying about the next one.  I have been in a tunnel for a long time.  When my wife died I didn’t realize how far in I had already traveled but there was no end in sight.  […]

The Blossom in a Garden of Weeds

There she stood.  Alone.  Beautiful and hidden by the weeds around her.  Yet, you still could catch a glimpse of beauty and her strength to rise above to burn bright among the strangling grasp of the world around her. A petal falls. Standing in the thicket she sees the sun from time to time and […]

In the Mist of Sadness

We have all been in the mist.  Sadness shrouds our every thought while we search for a way out.  Our eyes and mind wet with the thoughts that brought about the fog enveloping us.  We try to cope the best we can, waiting to hear the siren from the lighthouse before we crash.  It is […]

I am Here

I have watched you from the very beginning.  I was there when you took your first breath.  I know every atom that makes up your entire being. I have watched you…You have never seen me, maybe never heard my voice…But I am here. The day you came home from school, busted knee and a bloody […]

Where are you now?

Among the daisies full of bloom. Down by the tree, swinging with glee. Tiny feet stomping through puddles. Balancing on a log trying to pull me along. …Those were the days…But… Where are you now? Today, right this instant? Not here… Not there… Not anywhere I can see. Can you hear me? My tears hitting […]

Survivor’s Guilt

Survivor’s Guilt…Anyone who has gone through watching someone die of cancer or any death knows what I mean. If you are the caretaker the many things that go through your head every day about the one you love is like war.  In war there are casualties and in the military death is a reality every […]

The Dreams of Two

In love dreams are made.  In love time shortens, and to only talk of accomplishing dreams together makes the dream fall farther and farther away.  When you have the love you need and your heart has the love it wants, give in to the dreams created together.  When time is short there is no need […]

Love is Never Lost

Single? Divorced? Widowed? Married? Love has come to us all in one form or another…We have all felt a loss of love as well.  Or have we?  Loving someone never ends.  In the heart there are pockets full of memories for each and every person we have ever loved.  Love doesn’t leave and we sure […]

Transcendence

How can we love someone else when the lot of us can’t even love ourselves? We nitpick, prod and scowl at our own life believing we aren’t worth anything and yet someone else looks at us and sees something we cannot see. (Refer to my post “If I Could Live”) Why do we continue to […]

The Picture of You

The picture of you in my mind has been there since the day I first saw your face.  Bright, angelic, beautiful and a smile that out shined the sun.  Oh yes, the picture in my mind will be there until I take my last breath.  I see you standing there as we shake hands and […]

The Words of Life

In you, I found what love is Because of you I understand how to love. From the moment we met Until the day you left… I would give the entirety of the rest of my life… To live it over again. The only things I have left of you are… Memories, pieces of store bought […]

If I could live…

If I could see my life in your eyes, I would never be what I am today… …Your eyes saw me…They knew me inside and out… If I could see what you saw in me I would never doubt myself again… The aches, the pains, the marks and scars you never saw… You saw me…Just […]

I Do…

It’s been a year since the words, “I do.” were spoken.  And a life has past in the year that followed. I do wish you were here. I do wish to kiss you one more time. I do want to smell your beautiful skin. I do need your soft touch. I do miss the words […]

After the Dawn

Daybreak awakens the last beating heart… It shuffles through the day hoping to see a reason to stay.  Mornings are long but the night is a tortuous dark of sleepless black ink.  The heart tells the mind to wait a little longer…To fight against the tide and remain. Each step sounds like cannon fire…The heart […]

In the Quiet

When there are no words…Only the sounds of Earth. Birds chirp…A distant bark. The type of quiet when you can hear your own voice and not a word has been spoken. Quiet. The soul has a place in our mind that it retreats to until this type of quiet arrives. Only when we reach that […]

A Heart that Saves

Spend it wisely some would say to the heart…Don’t give too much away.  In a span of a lifetime there are many who come along that take without giving, steal without asking, and those who crush a priceless jewel that has been freely given. Living with a heart filled with a giving spirit leaves itself […]

A Leaf’s Story

Born among a thousand others yet is a singular entity in its life. The leaf has a journey not unlike our own. Brilliantly born into the world and loved by all who see the leaf’s life emerge from its warm sleepy cocoon. As the leaf grows it throws its shade to protect those around it […]

A Day

In a single day there are events that slide by us. Events we never realize how lasting their seemingly fleeting moments leave an indelible mark on our hearts and minds. *Coffee in the morning…Purple cup and two creamers. *After her shower, lathered in lotion and hangs her towel neatly. *Going to Costco – always had […]

Live Again

To live again. After life ends is when you learn to live. It’s unfortunate that it takes a monumentous event for us to learn to live. Life is very different from living. Everyone breathing has a life but not everyone lives. Life is on the terms of the world and our society at large. Living […]

The Knots of Life

Our lives cannot be summed up by a single word.  Life is a chaotic ballet of intrinsic lines leading us toward death…And death is the end of time, our singular time on earth. We can’t fight death, nor would we win against it. It is the epitome of what our lives come to when time […]

For Love

To utter it, reveals every emotion. To write it, places your heart on paper. To look into another’s eyes with it, reveals your soul. Love… Tears down walls and builds them up. Love… Places anguish and pain in the mind until we find it. Love… Kills the heart, melts the heart, and turns it to […]

The Hearth of Love

The life of a love builds a hearth.  In this life, there are many hearths built but some more complete than others.  The stages are set, the players meet, and the building begins… Bricks of Passion:  Hot fire, quick to flame and hardens the beginning bricks to a solid so dense that its memory is […]

The Journey Begins

Let me take you on a journey.  Words are powerful and have been used to create nations, destroy cities, build the tallest structures, and produce a tear in the of eyes of the hardest heart…So let me be your guide to the words you seek to go elsewhere. Jason “Remember that happiness is a way […]